When the Nottoway Plantation burned down, it wasn’t just a building that went up in flames—it was a monument to white fantasy. And in the ashes, what surfaced was telling: white grief, not for the enslaved, but for the venue. For the photo ops. For the imagined innocence of a land that was never innocent.
Comment sections filled quickly. We had our wedding there. Our anniversary photos were so beautiful. I can’t believe this piece of history is gone.
But which history? And whose grief?
What I witnessed wasn’t mourning. It was a performance. A familiar one. A white grief that isn’t about loss—it’s about possession.
The Plantation as Fantasy
There is nothing neutral about getting married on a plantation. When you choose that backdrop for your love story, you are choosing to centre aesthetics over atrocity. You are choosing nostalgia over memory. You are choosing the soft light of the golden hour over the screams that once filled those fields.
A plantation wedding doesn’t just ignore history—it repurposes it. It turns a deathscape into décor. And when that fantasy is taken away, even by something as natural as fire, the outrage that follows is not about heritage. It’s about the loss of comfort. The loss of an illusion.
White Grief and Anti-Black Sociality
This grief isn’t misplaced. It’s foundational. As an Afropessimist, I understand it as part of a social structure that requires Black death to affirm white life. The plantation is not grieved because of what it represents—it is grieved despite what it represents. Or rather, because its representation has always excluded the dead.
In this structure, Black suffering is not just ignored—it is rendered background noise. It is the scenery. The atmosphere. The soft echo behind the vows.
And when the scenery burns, grief floods in—not for the lives lost on that land, but for the loss of a setting in which white fantasies felt uninterrupted.
What I’ve Learned from Grief
As a social worker, I spend much of my life witnessing grief. I know its forms—raw, raging, quiet, complex. And I’ve learned to listen not just to what grief says, but to what it silences. To who it centres. To who it allows to be remembered.
The grief I saw after the Nottoway fire was not about mourning. It was about control. Control over the narrative. Over space. Over who gets to feel what, and when.
It was, in many ways, a refusal to grieve what should have been mourned centuries ago.
The Fire Was Not the Tragedy
The real tragedy is not that Nottoway burned.
The tragedy is that it stood for so long. That it was never turned into a memorial, a site of mourning, a place to honour the enslaved. That it became a hotel, a wedding venue, a tourist destination. That it welcomed guests in linen suits and lace dresses but never acknowledged the lives it extinguished.
And the real tragedy is that so many people still believe it’s the fire that ruined it.
Refusal as Mourning
I didn’t mourn the plantation. I won’t.
What I mourn is every Black child buried without a name. Every resistance that went unrecorded. Every descendant asked to forget. Every ghost made to smile for a photo.
I mourn what whiteness refuses to see. What it refuses to carry. What it refuses to let go.
But a plantation is not a loss.
Its burning is a reckoning.